But on the mixed up topic of the loss of both Spike and Anya you’ve really effectively captured Xander’s despair: Forced forward only by momentum, and he's thankful for it, but it's not enough…there are too many hours when he finds himself able to do little more than lift a glass. /Laundry piles in corners, and he decides to grow a beard. Or anyway, he stops shaving. /He guesses it's pretty bad in here, but he can't bring himself to care. It's comforting, in a way, to have his outsides match his insides. I especially like how nonchalant he is about it. He’s totally despondent yet he retains this saturnine humor, and it gives him a sense of perspective, but even that's not enough to clarify things in his mind. Which is, of course, why he needs Willow to be the agent of his epiphany: It's Spike that he misses; Spike he's been mourning. Spike's face he's seen, every night in his dreams. Spike's face as it looked the moment Xander had answered. The moment he'd told Spike no. How very true that he needs his best friend to facilitate his revelation.
I will say, though, that I was a little let down by the moment of Xander's realization. While I definitely saw the transition in the conversation, the way Xander would move from thinking about Anya to thinking about Spike, I was still much more on the Anya like of thought than the Spike one. This: "What I can't figure out," she continues, genuinely perplexed, "is how you never saw it coming. Other than by being total avoidance-guy, that is. Like, the two of you fought constantly! And what did you talk about when you weren't fighting, anyway? I could never imagine it. What did you have in common? You were like apples and oranges!" You just spent the entire preceding story showing us just how well Spike and Xander get along, and how they don't fight constantly (or at all: "there's a strained solicitousness between them, a kind of after-you-no-after-you exaggerated courtesy) anymore, how much they share. Willow's point is still very true for the Anya relationship, but I don't think it can be fairly attributed to the Spike one, even if Xander is wallowing in self-pity and denial. He's done a lot of growing through this narrative, and I'd like to think that he would be able to refute that one on his own.
I don't want to spoil anything for you, please know that! I feel like I'm raining on your parade a little by saying that the moment didn't have as much impact as I think it could've/should've. Obviously the message translated, and I'm just one opinion, etc etc etc.
That said, I particularly liked this Willow line: "I don't want to undermine your masculinity, not that I could, 'cause you've got buckets of it, mister." Haha, of all the things to be concerned about, Willow, I’m glad that you’ve remembered to ensure his masculinity.
The reunion was well choreographed and executed: all he can think is that he needs to see Spike. That he has to see Spike, right now./ And the moment [Willow] exits stage right, he's grabbing his keys and he's gone./"What's after you?" Spike shouts, tearing toward him. He plunges heedlessly through the door. Both of them rushing headlong out the door without thinking about what happens next, just each other. Then realizing that they both don't even know what to do and resorting to their old standbys: obstinacy and denial.
This - Xander cringes at the words, at what's in Spike's voice, because it isn't rage, or bitterness, or scorn -- it's disgust. As if Spike can't stand the sight of him, as if he hates him, the way he used to hate him, back when Xander couldn't care less whether Spike hated him or not. - was particularly poignant for me, because Xander still wasn't seeing that Spike is disgusted with himself. Other lines I loved: I'm sorry hand, Xander thinks./He sounds ruined./"...You're a rotten, selfish bastard, and I won't. I won't. You're not worth it, Harris. It's me saying no this time, all right? I don't want you."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-11-08 06:45 pm (UTC)I will say, though, that I was a little let down by the moment of Xander's realization. While I definitely saw the transition in the conversation, the way Xander would move from thinking about Anya to thinking about Spike, I was still much more on the Anya like of thought than the Spike one. This: "What I can't figure out," she continues, genuinely perplexed, "is how you never saw it coming. Other than by being total avoidance-guy, that is. Like, the two of you fought constantly! And what did you talk about when you weren't fighting, anyway? I could never imagine it. What did you have in common? You were like apples and oranges!" You just spent the entire preceding story showing us just how well Spike and Xander get along, and how they don't fight constantly (or at all: "there's a strained solicitousness between them, a kind of after-you-no-after-you exaggerated courtesy) anymore, how much they share. Willow's point is still very true for the Anya relationship, but I don't think it can be fairly attributed to the Spike one, even if Xander is wallowing in self-pity and denial. He's done a lot of growing through this narrative, and I'd like to think that he would be able to refute that one on his own.
I don't want to spoil anything for you, please know that! I feel like I'm raining on your parade a little by saying that the moment didn't have as much impact as I think it could've/should've. Obviously the message translated, and I'm just one opinion, etc etc etc.
That said, I particularly liked this Willow line: "I don't want to undermine your masculinity, not that I could, 'cause you've got buckets of it, mister." Haha, of all the things to be concerned about, Willow, I’m glad that you’ve remembered to ensure his masculinity.
The reunion was well choreographed and executed: all he can think is that he needs to see Spike. That he has to see Spike, right now./ And the moment [Willow] exits stage right, he's grabbing his keys and he's gone./"What's after you?" Spike shouts, tearing toward him. He plunges heedlessly through the door. Both of them rushing headlong out the door without thinking about what happens next, just each other. Then realizing that they both don't even know what to do and resorting to their old standbys: obstinacy and denial.
This - Xander cringes at the words, at what's in Spike's voice, because it isn't rage, or bitterness, or scorn -- it's disgust. As if Spike can't stand the sight of him, as if he hates him, the way he used to hate him, back when Xander couldn't care less whether Spike hated him or not. - was particularly poignant for me, because Xander still wasn't seeing that Spike is disgusted with himself. Other lines I loved: I'm sorry hand, Xander thinks./He sounds ruined./"...You're a rotten, selfish bastard, and I won't. I won't. You're not worth it, Harris. It's me saying no this time, all right? I don't want you."
(Continued)