My favorite thing about this section (both parts) was the inclusion of Xander's history in the framework of his thoughts: A holdover habit from the time Jesse's older brother came upon the two of them.../He's been at the bad end of that bargain himself, in the early days with Cordy.../...he winds up telling Spike the story of losing his virginity to Faith.
It means that your story speaks to realism, as we all evaluate our lives through the lens of our past, but I'm glad to see it because sometimes even though I think characters should be having the thoughts that they are, it seems like they've been imbued with prescient or omniscient knowledge of how badly this or that will turn out should they say/do what they were thinking about at first. This slow and steady push forward is one of my favorite parts of stories, and so often glossed over or forgotten or it comes too easy; yours is so natural.
Of course, I do love Spike in this too: “Here,” Spike mumbles, mouth full of something sticky, shoving the popcorn Xander's way. “Yours.”/"Just sussed that one out, have you?" Spike grumbles. "Stop the presses."/But Spike has an unerring instinct for seeking out pain, or maybe simply for seeing it, and he prods and probes, like a tongue at a tooth.../he's about to say something scathing, but Xander shoots him a pleading look. And remarkably, Spike shuts up...
Just perfect: defensive but open, taking the risk of doing something nice, and that last one where he doesn't even realize what he's doing until it's too late, and he has to self-evaluate because that is not the way he's supposed to react. Slowly coming to realize just what's going on here, whereas Xander's still in the dark even though his subconscious is coming to the same conclusion (He's pretty sure that it's still what he wants./Xander finds himself looking forward to the occasional night out with Spike, in a different way than he looks forward to Thursdays./ But they're quiet, too...and this is new to Xander, and good.)
And, of course, the heart-wrenching bit at the end, which I am coming to expect: He begs off the next time, too; and after that, Spike doesn't ask again.
The only criticism I have with this part is Anya's voice. We only get to hear it the once, "Maybe, Xander, you could tell your boyfriend that your girlfriend is tired, and she wants to go home.", and the line itself is so important, pivotal, that I understand why it's there and absolutely think it should be. However, I don't think Anya would say it quite like that. Sarcasm isn't really Anya's mode of delivery, as I remember it (please correct me if I'm wrong). Most of the time the lines she delivers that sound sarcastic are often just painfully blunt. She's not really much of one for metaphor, either, as is shown by her days as Anyanka, where she would literally turn people into trolls or worms. That's also why Halfrek points out that she's off her game when she turns one girl's husband French when she wishes he was a frog.
All this is, of course, what makes her calling Spike Xander's boyfriend so perfect, and I love that. But I also think that Anya is a woman who speaks in the first person ("Xander, I'm ready to go home") rather than the third ("...she wants to go home"). I think it mostly struck me as I think you've nailed Spike and Xander's voices so well that it was weird for me to look at Anya's statement and feel like it didn't fit. I hope you don't mind me saying so, and this may just be my impression, but there it is.
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It means that your story speaks to realism, as we all evaluate our lives through the lens of our past, but I'm glad to see it because sometimes even though I think characters should be having the thoughts that they are, it seems like they've been imbued with prescient or omniscient knowledge of how badly this or that will turn out should they say/do what they were thinking about at first. This slow and steady push forward is one of my favorite parts of stories, and so often glossed over or forgotten or it comes too easy; yours is so natural.
Of course, I do love Spike in this too: “Here,” Spike mumbles, mouth full of something sticky, shoving the popcorn Xander's way. “Yours.”/"Just sussed that one out, have you?" Spike grumbles. "Stop the presses."/But Spike has an unerring instinct for seeking out pain, or maybe simply for seeing it, and he prods and probes, like a tongue at a tooth.../he's about to say something scathing, but Xander shoots him a pleading look. And remarkably, Spike shuts up...
Just perfect: defensive but open, taking the risk of doing something nice, and that last one where he doesn't even realize what he's doing until it's too late, and he has to self-evaluate because that is not the way he's supposed to react. Slowly coming to realize just what's going on here, whereas Xander's still in the dark even though his subconscious is coming to the same conclusion (He's pretty sure that it's still what he wants./Xander finds himself looking forward to the occasional night out with Spike, in a different way than he looks forward to Thursdays./ But they're quiet, too...and this is new to Xander, and good.)
And, of course, the heart-wrenching bit at the end, which I am coming to expect: He begs off the next time, too; and after that, Spike doesn't ask again.
The only criticism I have with this part is Anya's voice. We only get to hear it the once, "Maybe, Xander, you could tell your boyfriend that your girlfriend is tired, and she wants to go home.", and the line itself is so important, pivotal, that I understand why it's there and absolutely think it should be. However, I don't think Anya would say it quite like that. Sarcasm isn't really Anya's mode of delivery, as I remember it (please correct me if I'm wrong). Most of the time the lines she delivers that sound sarcastic are often just painfully blunt. She's not really much of one for metaphor, either, as is shown by her days as Anyanka, where she would literally turn people into trolls or worms. That's also why Halfrek points out that she's off her game when she turns one girl's husband French when she wishes he was a frog.
All this is, of course, what makes her calling Spike Xander's boyfriend so perfect, and I love that. But I also think that Anya is a woman who speaks in the first person ("Xander, I'm ready to go home") rather than the third ("...she wants to go home"). I think it mostly struck me as I think you've nailed Spike and Xander's voices so well that it was weird for me to look at Anya's statement and feel like it didn't fit. I hope you don't mind me saying so, and this may just be my impression, but there it is.
On to comment on part two!